???

Brett is withdrawing from me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Good on one hand because he finally has realised that this just isn't going to go away over night.

Bad on the other because it's making me feel like an absolute bitch. I know how he behaves isn't acceptable but I also know that he really does love me and it is killing him that I am unhappy.

His Facebook statuses have been a dead give away. Yesterday it was 'Brett is feeling empty' Today it's 'Brett wonders'. So I know it's getting to him.

The thing is after reading a story from a friend of mine and what she went through it's had me wondering if I really do want things to work. I don't want to lead him on in any way shape or form until I know for sure exactly what I want. There has been no touching, no kissing, barely any conversation and when we have talked it has been just general chit chat. There also has been no yelling, no screaming and the kids have no idea what is going on.

I get tense when he comes home from work. Not because I am scared of him or anything like that. It's the silence that kills me. I hate having to try pretend everything is ok in front of the kids. And when they go to bed he sits on his computer and I sit on mine.

We haven't gone to bed at the same time for weeks. 9 times out of 10 he is in bed before me. I sit up til all hours and then am up at the crack of dawn.

I am absolutely petrified of what lies ahead for us. I have never been more scared in my whole life.